Post Paris

I find myself now in the midst of one of those mythical Parisian springs with which everyone seems to fall head over heels in love. The weather is beyond beautiful, the air is warm, and that fresh springy smell is everywhere and positively intoxicating. But even in the presence of all this, I'm beginning to become a little disenchanted by Paris.

Perhaps the most often discussed Parisian phenomenon is the difficulty to judge distance. I've spoken to many people who've started walking toward the Eifel Tower or the Arc de Triomphe with the belief that the landmark in question is just a short stroll away only to discover thirty minutes later that the destination doesn't seem to be any closer. Interestingly enough, the same is true (in a metaphorical sense) with respect to Paris' citizens. They seem to be hell bent on keeping new acquaintances at a distance. Some of the most ingrained Parisian customs, the institutionalized politeness, the strict adherence to tradition, the general skepticism of the value of non-Parisian ideas and ways of doing things, seem to function as barriers between those who were born and raised in the city and those who were brought up elsewhere. I've come to realize that despite my complete immersion in Parisian culture for the past several months, and despite my French citizenship, I will never be truly be Parisian.

My friends and I have had many a discussion about how uptight we find the Parisians to be, but when I relayed these sentiments to my mom she suggested that perhaps "uptight" was the wrong word. "They're more guarded," she suggested.

She is absolutely right. And having been raised in a society that has little use for guarded as a personality trait, I'm finding it exhausting to try to integrate myself in a society that systematically shuts others out. While I value my independence and am known to relish my "me time," I find that I miss living in a place where it is not only possible but preferable to open up and allow others to be influential in your life. I've learned a lot about myself in the past few months, and one of the most important lessons is that I am by no means an emotional isolationist. For better or for worse, I need to feel connected to people in order to be truly happy. Now more than ever, I deeply appreciate the relationships I have with my family, friends, and even casual acquaintances.

There will always be a place in my heart for Paris, but I'm not going to be entirely devastated to leave it. I never thought I'd feel this way, but it will be nice to come back to the U.S.